A Rocky Road - from thoughts of not adopting, to getting "the call"

Deep Breath... What a roller coaster the past weeks have been! With the news of the lengthening process in Ethiopia, we found ourselves in a new place. The place of disillusionment. The place where we brought all our lingering doubts and worries about this adoption to the light. We faced the thought of putting the dream of adoption behind in order to follow other dreams for our family.

I admit that this possibility has rolled through my mind from time to time, and as the years have dragged on, the thoughts have been more frequent. So it makes sense that the recent news that realistically the process is a good 6-12 months longer than we anticipated, these thought would bubble to the surface.

The Lord only knows what He has for our family - and we are seeking Him diligently. During those couple weeks of sitting on the idea of stopping the adoption, we were able to really, truly think about where life could lead if we didn't have any more kids. And if that is what we want.

At this point, we haven't made any decisions. But, ironically, we did get our first taste at getting "the call"!!! Saturday morning there was a message on my phone that there are two little girls, siblings 6 and 2, who need a home.

It was exciting to finally experience the call! But, we have decided that these girls belong to another family. I have been praying for them non-stop since the message was left. I keep imagining what this transition will be like for them, especially the 6 year old. She is Sarah's age. She has all the connectiveness to family, friends, community, culture - that Sarah does. Games she plays, food she eats, songs she sings, people she lives with and plays with. These are things she will be taken away of in exchange for life with a new family in a new world. Lord, protect her heart and spirit. And bless her with the perfect home on Earth until she can be with you in her true home!

Ryan and I have some soul-searching to do still. An audible voice, or angelic visitation would sure be nice right now. But I think the Lord wants us to seek His heart for more subtle guidance! He is good and He will give us His peace.