Count Down! Exactly FOUR YEARS since we got on the adoption list for China...

I'm not sure if it is good or bad to add the count down clicker to my blog. On the positive side, it's fun to think about how far we have come! On the other side, it is crazy to think of how long it has taken us. Today the clicker reads one year, one month of waiting. In our case, this count down is only part of the story. It only reflects the time we have been on the waiting lists for adoption from Ethiopia.

In reality, we have been waiting to adopt since we were placed on the waiting list for China on February 27, 2007. Exactly 4 years from today. We figured it would be about a year and a half until we had our baby.

But the Lord knew that it would not be in our time, it would be in His. So four years, a transfer to adopt from Ethiopia, and one more biological child (due next month) later we are still waiting for Him to bring it to be.

We have learned so much in those four years. We've learned primarly about trusting the Lord and seeking Him for His plan for our family. Ryan has had to throw his all-comforting spreadsheet on which he set forth the timeline of our future, and trade it in for the mystery of God's timing. A good trade!!

We have learned about two vastly different countries which are similar in their population of children without families. Our hearts has expanded to appreciate the beauty of these two cultures as we also grieve over the injustices that have occurred (and continue to occur) there. We pray for these countries that previously never even crossed our minds.

We have dreamed of how the Lord can use us in the country our child will come from. Although the needs seem overwhelming - where do you begin in a country where the needs are so huge? How do you know if you are doing something that truly makes a difference - the kind of difference that is right? Not just one that makes me feel good about myself, but one that really does the best and right thing for the people.

We have questioned continuing with the adoption. From our perspective, we wonder if we are getting too old to start with another baby (that was answered when we got pregnant!). Now, with this baby coming, we have wondered if we have the capacity to give 4 kids what they need spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc.

From the child's perspective, we wonder if it would be better to invest in keeping children in Ethiopia and helping them thrive there - rather than taking one out of their homeland to live such a vastly different life in America. Our peace comes from knowing that the child we adopt will be on the path of being adopted no matter if it is us who brings them home, or another family. Essentially, we can do both, give a family to a child who needs one, and do our part of helping the children who live in Ethopia better health and well-being.

So those are my musings at the four year point. These four years have changed us and I can see how God has used this time to help us become more of who He wants me to be. And so, we continue to wait and hopefully continue to grow in everything the Lord has for us.

The Infinite Wisdom of God... and my lack of clarity on the adoption.

My tummy is growing everyday. I'm in that stage where every time I go somewhere, someone asks me about my pregnancy. People are so sweet and so marveled at the miracle of life. Yesterday I had my first "stranger touches my belly" experience! A super sweet sample lady at Costco just couldn't resist!! Unbelievably, I only have 3 months to go!

At the same time, my mind still wanders to the journey of our adoption. I honestly have no idea at this point if we will finish this journey with an Ethiopian child. I do fully trust the Lord to lead us. And we are peacefully waiting for His leading.

Meanwhile, adoption referrals through our agency have started to come through again - after a long, long drought! In the last month we have moved up 3 places on the baby girl list (putting us at #12) and on spot on the Toddler Girl (#10) and Toddler Boy (#2)list. We are still #1 on the sibling list, but feel pretty sure that we will not adopt two. As much as I would love to take all the babies home from Ethiopia, I'm afraid that I would be a nut case with all those youngin's under my roof!

It's nice to know that you are out there praying for us! We are so very, very blessed. I hope that each of you gets the joy of sharing Christmas with a child or two - or more! Bless you all for the love you pour out everyday.

"On Hold" - a reminder that the Lord is the perfect family planner!

This adoption process been the biggest rollercoaster of faith I have ever been on! I would have never guessed that this would be the track it would take, that this would be the time-line, that these would be the twists and turns. But every time we take an unexpected loop-de-loop, I have to remember that the Lord's ways are not like ours! He is the GREAT PLANNER of my life! He has a perfect plan!

Yesterday was on of those loop-de-loop kind of days! I called our agency to talk about how my pregnancy would effect our adoption process. I was expecting to find out when we would have to do a new homestudy. I was not expecting what they told me!

Turns out, we will have to be put "On Hold" until this baby is 6-12 months old!! I know, it sounds outrageous - believe me it was a shock to me! I was absolutely speechless and crushed when she told me that!

Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who reminded me of the Truth. The Lord has definitely given us this child-in-womb for this exact time for His purpose! And He will give us our child-in-ethiopia at the perfect time as well.

It's times like this, that I am so thankful for scripture's comforting reminders of who the Lord is... I'm holding tight to these reminders this week!!

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Isaiah 55: 8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Psalm 25:4 - Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths."

We will contine to move up the lists - but not be able to accept a referral until we pass the hold period. Our social worker will do a report when the baby is 3 months old, and based on that report, our agency will determine when our hold will be over.

As it turns out, the timing of the hold make a lot of sense. It would have been hard, if not impossible to travel to ET twice during my pregnancy (can you even get those shots when you're expecting?). And it would be really hard to do it before the baby is 3-6 months old as well.

So we wait. Again. With Joyful Expectation of what the Lord has up His sleeve!! I can not wait until the day when we only have to look back on this process with awe at what the Lord taught us and the blessings He provided!! Then it truly will be like the story of Jacob and Rachel - of which this blog is named...

Genensis 29:20 "So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her."

Baby News... and it's not about adoption!!

It's 11:33 PM and I'm not sure why I'm not in bed. I feel nauseous and exhausted, but so very happy! Two nights ago, I broke down and took a pregnancy test (in the bathroom of a Walgreens!). There were just too many signs to ignore and my good friend Kindra kept looking at me with her "I'm telling you, I know your pregnant" eyes every time I smelled something strange or refused my beloved coffee drinks (they suddenly became disgusting - even though I desperately tried to deny it and actually spent $4.50 at Starbucks to prove I still liked them, only to have to pour it down the drain.)

Seriously, I was in denial! I don't know I could have been. Now it seems so obvious. But we were blown away and shocked by this precious gift from God!! It's been so fun telling everyone - and hearing their surprise and excitement for us!

Meanwhile, Ryan and I both deeply want to continue with the adoption! We're not ready to let that dream go. We are so curious to see what the Lord has in store. This adoption story has just been too wild and crazy and unknown for us to close the book now.

So, here's to God's Kind of Surprises! And to a big family to love!!!!

Awesome weekend with my college friends!

It is so refreshing to be with friends who have known you for so long (longer than we all care to admit - truly. I told Anna that it was almost our 20th high school graduation and you should have seen the SHOCK on her face!!). Aren't we still all 27?

Being with my friends this weekend was so good in so many ways, but one thing that really stuck me was how fast the seasons of life go by! It seems like just last week we were all getting married (yet, here I am about to celebrate 12 years), and yesterday we were having our first children (my baby is 9.5yrs).

Someday this adoption process will be a blur. It will truly feel like only a few days (hence the title of my blog). And then I'll be in the midst of the true journey -the one of sharing life with our children!

So I have renewed patience and hope for this season to last as long as the Lord has for it to last. Thanks, friends!

And then I get home to the happy news of more referrals which move us up on our lists! We moved to #2 on the Sibling list, #11 on the baby girl list, and #22 on the toddler girl list (which we added ourselves to last week). Yeah, for small numbers!!

That's What Faith Can Do! Returning to Peace in our Adoption Process

If you know me, you can imagine the scene... Driving down the highway, singing on the top of my lungs, balling, and thinking about how thankful I am that I have the Lord!! This song spoke to me right where I'm at - He is getting me out of this season of disillusionment. I can feel the faith returning. And I've seen... What Faith Can Do!

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing.

Song by Kutless

A Rocky Road - from thoughts of not adopting, to getting "the call"

Deep Breath... What a roller coaster the past weeks have been! With the news of the lengthening process in Ethiopia, we found ourselves in a new place. The place of disillusionment. The place where we brought all our lingering doubts and worries about this adoption to the light. We faced the thought of putting the dream of adoption behind in order to follow other dreams for our family.

I admit that this possibility has rolled through my mind from time to time, and as the years have dragged on, the thoughts have been more frequent. So it makes sense that the recent news that realistically the process is a good 6-12 months longer than we anticipated, these thought would bubble to the surface.

The Lord only knows what He has for our family - and we are seeking Him diligently. During those couple weeks of sitting on the idea of stopping the adoption, we were able to really, truly think about where life could lead if we didn't have any more kids. And if that is what we want.

At this point, we haven't made any decisions. But, ironically, we did get our first taste at getting "the call"!!! Saturday morning there was a message on my phone that there are two little girls, siblings 6 and 2, who need a home.

It was exciting to finally experience the call! But, we have decided that these girls belong to another family. I have been praying for them non-stop since the message was left. I keep imagining what this transition will be like for them, especially the 6 year old. She is Sarah's age. She has all the connectiveness to family, friends, community, culture - that Sarah does. Games she plays, food she eats, songs she sings, people she lives with and plays with. These are things she will be taken away of in exchange for life with a new family in a new world. Lord, protect her heart and spirit. And bless her with the perfect home on Earth until she can be with you in her true home!

Ryan and I have some soul-searching to do still. An audible voice, or angelic visitation would sure be nice right now. But I think the Lord wants us to seek His heart for more subtle guidance! He is good and He will give us His peace.